Choosing Dependency

I’ve always been a big planner. When I travel, the planning I do is no joke. I plan out each day where we are going to explore and what we’re going to eat. Being a planner has its perks; I stay organized and efficient and can always maximize my time. But maybe the biggest downfall of being a planner is the independence and self-reliance we learn to function in.

The other day, God asked me to invite Him into things. It’s easy as a planner to have my to-do list for the day and do it. To plan my week and do it. To prepare my month and do it. To plan my year, and just like that, it’s over, and I’ve done it all on my strength. God gave humanity all we need to live apart from Him. We have common sense, knowledge, earthly wisdom, and free will. God has given us the ability to make our own decisions, to provide for ourselves, and to plan our days. Many people decide to live apart from Him – those who don’t believe He exists, but sadly, often, it’s even those who do. And to me, that’s the scariest thing ever. Even as Christians, even when we have confessed, we believe, and the Holy Spirit has come to dwell in us, we can still go an entire day/week/month/year/lifetime without inviting God into our days.

But we aren’t meant to.

Shocking, I know. We were made for dependency. We were made to rely on Him. Many of us are really good at admitting our need for God, but it’s typically after we’ve tried everything in our power first. Relying on God wasn’t something He meant to be our backup plan. We are made to lay aside our independence and abilities from the start and choose dependency. It’s counterintuitive, countercultural, against everything we are taught and praised for – but that’s how God works often.

Many times, God – in His immense mercy and grace and love for us – blesses the things we do, even when we do them apart from Him. I think back to when I married Ryan. When I met Ryan, I loved Jesus and went to church, but I was rarely pursuing my own relationship with God. I don’t even remember ever praying and asking God if Ryan was who I was supposed to marry. I just did it. And I look back now, and I can see God’s hand in it, how He brought us together, provided this incredible man for me, and protected and guided our relationship. But probably my greatest lament is that even though I see God in it as I look back (and I am so grateful for that), I didn’t experience God in the present. And because of that, I missed many amazing conversations with Him. I’m sure He had so many promises He wanted to tell me, dreams He wanted to give me, and words for me to hold onto.

So I felt God asking me to invite Him into my now. I don’t have to experience God by looking back into my past, but I can share Him today. I think we are meant to pray before meals to ask God to bless our food and say, “Lord, we could sit here and eat this food without you, but we don’t want to.” Don’t get me wrong, God is always with us, but there is a difference when we open ourselves up to His presence, recognize and desire it, and extend an invitation for Him to move and speak. My decisions and actions become different, and my words and thoughts become different when I desire for God to be a part of each of them. What if each morning we said, “Alright, Lord, I’ve got this long list of things I have planned to do today, but I want to invite you into it and allow you to change my plans.” It would radically evolve the way we live. We wouldn’t be striving, stressing, and exhausted, doing everything on our own strength. We wouldn’t feel empty and tired of doing the same thing day in and day out.

It’s the little things I want to start inviting God into and the big things. Like having kids (I’m not announcing we’re pregnant, haha). But I am saying that many of us have children based on our own timeline. Once we have completed this checklist, we will have kids. Or once we’re a certain age. Whenever we feel like it is a “wise” decision, God’s wisdom is so much different than our earthly wisdom.

Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you need to become a fool to be truly wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. 1 Corinthians 3:18-19

This is honestly what Ryan and I have done. “We’ll have kids when it makes sense.” But I felt so strongly that God asked me to invite Him into that, too. God’s timing is often very, very different than our own. And if I invite Him into it now, what could He decide to speak to me about it today? Even if it’s not God’s plan for us to have kids, I want to start talking to God about our family now. I want our children to be ushered into this world through our prayers, words from the Lord, and His promises for our family. I can experience God today when it comes to our family. I can experience God today in everything.

This lesson has revealed a lot of pride in my heart. A lot of times we don’t invite God into something because we believe we can do it better ourselves. Our plan is better, safer, and less scary. I know it’s hard to give up control. We don’t like the unknown. But if we know God, know His character and nature, believe God is in control, that He is good, His plans are good, and He wants the best for us – why would we want the power in anyone else’s hands but His?

What if I made up my mind to rely on you

I thought I wanted it easy, but easy never needed You